chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

The Greater Houston and South Texas Better Business Bureau has received a complaint from a guy who just wants the fresh blunt wrap he paid the princely sum of $1.07 for.

I can’t stop laughing because this is exactly the kind of thing my ex would do.

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

vroom

Nov. 16th, 2009 05:41 pm
chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

That is one laid-back cat.

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

Fun with chaobell.net search requests!

why are there no hot dog carts in hermann park houston

There used to be! Mmm, street meat. I guess the same health department bullshit that keeps knocking good taco trucks off the road has hit the hot dog carts.

hamilton beach single serve blender hard to open

Did you try a hammer? This might void your warranty, though.

frozen bananas origin

The vast Antarctic banana plantations. Also your freezer.

do you see my fuckin face

No, actually, I don’t.

fuzzy worms with horms

As opposed to fuzzy worms with horns, I guess.

fire on my boobs

Stop, drop, and roll.

every woman i have ever met has rejected me

Let me guess: you’re a Nice Guy.

huge things in assholes

…and that would be our segue to the more NSFW requests from Ding Ding!

Read the rest of this entry » )

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

“I said how dare you take the scriptures and twist it to fit your needs[...]”

‘SUP KETTLE

THIS IS POT

DUDE, YOU ARE FUCKING BLACK

OK L8R

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

No, we cannot color-match and custom dye ribbons for you. Well, I’m sorry the two shades of purple our ribbon suppliers offer don’t perfectly match the fabric swatch you brought in. Yes, I’m aware that Home Depot can match paint to your swatches. We are not Home Depot and ribbons are not paint. No, needing them tomorrow will not change the fact that we cannot color-match them and in fact makes things even more impossible, because custom ribbon orders take ten business days. Yes, they might be able to get them to you faster IF they aren’t backed up with orders from people who didn’t wait until the last minute AND you pay their exorbitant rush charge. No, they will still almost certainly not arrive tomorrow. No, they will still not color-match and custom dye them if you pay a rush charge, what part of “they don’t do that” are you not getting!?

Yes, please do feel free to leave in a huff and tell me you’re going to the other award shops in the area, all of whom use the same ribbon suppliers we do and all of whom will probably be closed for the day by the time you get there.

(actually, rude customers are so rare at this shop that I kind of enjoy it when they do show up)

In other news, and because I understand this shit is BORING AS ALL HELL to some folks but I still enjoy babbling about it, I made another blog to chronicle all my ass-movin’ adventures. If you are interested in all my nerdery related to running and cycling and other such activities, you can keep up with it over there. If you don’t give a shit, you don’t have to see it here. Everybody wins!

(oh um also guys it is time for the periodic plug of my Race for the Cure pledge page–say that three times real fast–your chump change would be greatly appreciated)

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

That’s it, he’s done, play him off Keyboard Cat.

Part of me wants to just go stuff him back under whatever rock he’s been hiding under. Most of me is laughing itself to tears. Please trip over your own feet on national TV, Tom. Oh please oh please.

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

What, don’t even, etc.

(no, this isn’t about the “Learn To Draw” book thing, this is… something else)

(boy, is it ever “something else”)

In other, more loosely comic-related news, I played WSR table tennis against the Joker last night while the Pink Panther and random Chipmunks watched.

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

So now he says he was in Argentina, doing something exotic.

IS THAT WHAT YOU KIDS CALL IT THESE DAYS

[ETA: ...apparently that is what you kids call it these days. He just admitted he was fuckin' around. Gaspu, daishokku, etc.]

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

As you might have heard, South Carolina governor Mark Sanford just kind of up and disappeared a few days ago. If anyone knew where he was, they weren’t saying. Even his wife was all “lol IDK w/e ¯\(O_o)/¯” when asked about this.

Well, don’t worry–he’s fine. He just fucked off to go hiking for a couple of days, is all! Along the Appalachian Trail, over Father’s Day, which just happened to be the Summer Solstice, which just happens to be the traditional Appalachian Trail Naked Hiking Day.

…I’ll just let you savor that mental image for a moment. Or give you a moment to stab your brain out with a spoon, whichever you need. I mean, as long as he keeps his mouth shut he’s actually not a horrible-looking dude, but… yeah. That’s… that image is not how I wanted to start my day, not really, no.

Now before someone gets their panties in a bunch, nobody is saying that the governor of South Carolina actually went for a naked hike.

They’re just saying that the governor of South Carolina happened to be on or near the trail where naked hiking happens on the very day naked hiking happens, and nobody seemed to know or be willing to divulge beforehand that the governor of South Carolina was going to be hiking on or near the trail where naked hiking happens on the day naked hiking happens.

(I’m about to get bombarded with hits from people searching Google for “naked hiking,” aren’t I)

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

oh jeez

Jun. 13th, 2009 12:39 am
chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

Pac-Man… in text adventure form.

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

Normally I can’t be bothered to make a whole post mocking any given commentspammer, and besides that I don’t want to give them the attention.

This one that just showed up in my mail is a special case:

New comment on your post #679 "OH GOD I CAN SEE FOREVER"
Author : cocks (IP: 35.13.49.[elided])
E-mail : cocks@cocks.cocks
URL    : http://cocks.cocks:8080/
Whois  : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=35.13.49.[elided]
Comment:
Disdain   Kiss    Kiss    Kiss    Kiss   Really Angry  Beat Up  Shy  Shy  Shy

In conclusion: cocks.

Also, in Maine, nine whole people showed up to protest a proposed gay marriage bill.

…nine whole people from Pennsylvania.

There were bagpipes involved, I think. I don’t know either. All I know is, BRB DYING OF LULZ.

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

Oh God, can’t breathe, tears all over face, brb dying of lulz.

*is twelve*

[ETA:

you guys, you guys, that does not mean whatever you think it means, seriously, DYING OF LULZ here]

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

So I haven’t really bothered making fun of the National Organization for Marriage, otherwise known as NOM, mostly because they practically parody themselves and they do it so masterfully you really have to wonder if at any given moment they’re going to bust out Guy Fawkes masks and go LOL J/K SUP /B/.

So as you might know, they decided to name their anti-gay-marriage campaign “Two Million For Marriage”… abbreviated 2M4M.  Yeah, I know. If you are thinking that sounds like an abbreviation used in certain personal ads of which NOM would probably not approve, you’d be right.

Which is lulz-laden enough. But it gets even better. You see, NOM made one crucial error… they forgot to secure the domain name before they made that announcement.

2m4m.org is completely worksafe and made entirely of legendary win.

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

Aunt Boss just came back here to tell me some breaking family news that left me weeping with laughter.

If you’re having a rough day, pause and reflect on how great it is that you are not my second cousin, who just managed to flush his own car keys down the toilet.

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

Oh God oh God oh God

That is an article containing excerpts from the audiobook version of an exercise in bad sex scenes and thinly veiled self-inserts and general DO NOT WANT entitled Those Who Trespass, written–and here, read–by Bill O’Reilly.

…yyyyyyyyyyeah. I wouldn’t listen to those samples if I were you.

Via ontd_p; if I gotta suffer, ALL y’all gotta suffer.

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

I sure feel a hell of a lot better about my writing now!

I dare you to read all the way through it and not laugh once.

If you succeed, try it out loud.

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

laff-O

Feb. 27th, 2009 02:02 pm
chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

Joe the Plumber addresses an enthusiastic crowd of 11 people at Borders, sells five copies of his book.

Here’s a thousand words’ worth of my thoughts on this:

…man, that’s what my silly sci-fi universe needs, an alien Joe the Plumber

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

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chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)
wrist deep in puppet ass

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