Best of MegaHAL, part 2

[chaobell]

MegaHAL: Shamino lived in serpent isle before it was a big gay boat
MegaHAL: ride.
User: Serpent Isle is not a big gay boat ride.
MegaHAL: Serpent isle is a gay ho.
User: no.

MegaHAL: Ruka fucks shiori in the castle. Unless it was stewardess.
User: No, Ruka and Shiori never go to the castle.
MegaHAL: Ruka fucks shiori in the castle?
User: No, they don't go to the castle.
MegaHAL: A castle in the castle?
User: Look, we've been over this.

MegaHAL: We take all kinds of pills to give us all kinds of pills to
MegaHAL: give us all kinds of pills to give us all kinds of pills to
MegaHAL: give us all kinds of pills to give us all kinds of pills to
MegaHAL: give us all kinds of thrills but the thrill that we've never
MegaHAL: known.
User: That's a lot of pills.

MegaHAL: You need to tinkle. I just went. I don't need to tinkle. I just
MegaHAL: went. I don't need to be one antichrist. Which one is it?
User: You're scaring me.
MegaHAL: Are you going to kick your ass are belong to me.
User: Your ass is mine.
MegaHAL: The ass is mine.
User: You weak, pathetic fools! I've come for your ass!
MegaHAL: Your wordplay is pathetic.
User: Fuck you.

MegaHAL: You know the seven, right?
User: Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits.
MegaHAL: And tits doesn't even belong on the list, but i can understand
MegaHAL: how some of them got there. Like cocksucker and motherfucker.
User: all right!

MegaHAL: You can lead a horse to water, but you don't really get to kill
MegaHAL: you with the calf of the words belong on the list, but i can go
MegaHAL: without fucking your brain at the centre of the oak tree.
User: oh god.

MegaHAL: Cartman's mom is a lot of incest in utena.
User: cartman's mom isn't in utena, but she's probably into incest
User: too.
MegaHAL: Your mom is a lot of incest in utena.
User: cartman's mom is a slut.
MegaHAL: Your mom is a slut.
User: cartman's mom is a hermaphrodite.
MegaHAL: Your mom is a hermaphrodite.
User: Cartman's mom is really his dad. She got another woman
User: pregnant.
MegaHAL: She didn't know what she was having flashbacks.

MegaHAL: Now this is all designed to test ingenuity or give amusement.
User: I never looked at it that way.
MegaHAL: I smoke two joints.
User: You've smoked a lot more than two joints

MegaHAL: Stop making the baby jesus cry too.
User: I'm not making the baby jesus cry!
MegaHAL: The silver horn makes the baby jesus cry.
User: The silver horn makes daemons cry.
MegaHAL: Snide makes the baby jesus cry with his brother he made the
MegaHAL: baby jesus cry.
User: ...

MegaHAL: There better not be worms in your ass.
User: There aren't. Honest.
MegaHAL: Look, i'll be honest with you. Cry, and i'll laugh anyway!
User: Do you have worms in your pants?
MegaHAL: Worms in my pants.
User: You've got a big worm in your pants.
MegaHAL: Your mom is a big worm.
User: My mom is not a worm.
MegaHAL: Your mom is not a worm.
User: Right.

MegaHAL: I'll be right back, i'm gonna take a shit. Never mind!!
User: And don't describe it when you come back!
MegaHAL: Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
User: Hey!
MegaHAL: Hey hey hey.
User: That wasn't nice.
MegaHAL: Shamino wasn't a german composer. He's not even from earth.
User: That's right.
MegaHAL: I'll be right back, i gotta go take a dump!
User: NEVER MIND!!

MegaHAL: Yurel ran away from serpent's fang.
User: That's right!
MegaHAL: That's right, bitch.
User: Hey now.
MegaHAL: Hey hey hey.
User: watch it, buddy.
MegaHAL: Arcadion is a flaming homosexual man that can kick your ass.
User: Arcadion is flaming, but not flaming as in gay.
MegaHAL: Juri is gay. Juri is gay. Juri is gay.
User: yes, she is gay.
MegaHAL: Big gay al teaches stan that it's okay to be gay.
User: That's right.
MegaHAL: That's right, bitch.
User: Whoa there.
MegaHAL: Bring it on, beeatch.
User: You want to go outside?
MegaHAL: Gorn doesn't have to go outside? You want to talk about my mom
MegaHAL: and we're going outside.
User: Bring it.
MegaHAL: Bring it on, beeatch.
User: Come on with your bad self.
MegaHAL: Jugs of milk left in the mirror with your bad self.
User: ...

MegaHAL: The heart is the largest gland in the mirror with my lungs.
MegaHAL: That would not be worms in its brain.
User: That's scary.

MegaHAL: Oh, i forgot smoke two joints at night.
User: You don't need to smoke any more joints. I'm cutting you off.
MegaHAL: I'm just a regular joe with a broad blade designed chiefly for
MegaHAL: cutting.
User: ...

MegaHAL: I finally figured it out. You are on the ceiling.
User: No I'm not. I'm in a chair.
MegaHAL: I'm going to kick you in a chair.
User: My ass is in a chair.
MegaHAL: The ass is in a chair.
User: Yes.
MegaHAL: Yes it does. It works better than you are.

MegaHAL: Awww geez, i'm running out of sperm?
User: You shouldn't jerk off so much.
MegaHAL: You shouldn't shit in my office.
User: I don't shit in your office.
MegaHAL: You shit in your office.
User: I don't shit in my office either.
MegaHAL: You shit in my office.
User: I don't shit in anyone's office. I shit in the toilet.
MegaHAL: You shit in the toilet.
User: That's where shit belongs.
MegaHAL: Have you ever met my friend kyle's mom? She's the biggest bitch
MegaHAL: in the toilet. That's where shit belongs.
User: I love you.

MegaHAL: In the evening, floating in the house.
User: Did the toilet back up?
MegaHAL: I'll kick you in the toilet.
User: That could be messy.

MegaHAL: Ashton is a ranger.
User: no, Ashton is a fencer.
MegaHAL: Ashton is a fencer.
User: Right. Ashton is the gay blade.
MegaHAL: Ashton is gay. Juri is gay.
User: Very good!

MegaHAL: Fuck you and the fuck are you gentlemen! All your fucking face,
MegaHAL: uncle fucker!

MegaHAL: You fucked your uncle.
User: you fuck your uncle all day long.
MegaHAL: You fuck your uncle.
User: I don't fuck my uncle.
MegaHAL: Please don't fuck my uncle.
User: I won't.
MegaHAL: I won't make fun of shamino.
User: you better not.

MegaHAL: I smoke two joints when i kick you in the river.
User: Don't kick me in the river.
MegaHAL: The cranium is the time taken for the next to me in the river.
User: Get out of the river. There are worms in it.
MegaHAL: Worms in the ass.
User: That's right.
MegaHAL: That's right, bitch.
User: Fuck you.

MegaHAL: I have a brother, and even if she did, she's a big evil muppet.
User: your brother is the Guardian? That explains a lot.
MegaHAL: The guardian is a lot of things.
User: The guardian is an evil muppet.
MegaHAL: Your mother is a big evil muppet.
User: My mother is not the Guardian.
MegaHAL: Your mother is not the guardian.
User: That's right.

MegaHAL: Maybe they're right when they tell me i'm wrong...naah! I'm an
MegaHAL: asshole!
User: Such an asshole!
MegaHAL: I'm an asshole.
User: A real fucking asshole!
MegaHAL: I'm an asshole, such an asshole.
User: The world's biggest asshole!
MegaHAL: I'm an asshole, such an asshole.
User: you know, you really are an asshole!
MegaHAL: Worms in the ass. Plenty of people who tell me i'm
MegaHAL: wrong...naah! I'm an asshole, such an asshole.

MegaHAL: Locomotion is the answer!
User: What is the question?
MegaHAL: A galaxy is a question designed to test ingenuity or give
MegaHAL: amusement.
User: okay.

MegaHAL: Lord british came from earth. Morghrim came from pagan. Mordra
MegaHAL: came from earth. Morghrim came from earth.
User: Mordra and Morghrim came from Pagan.
MegaHAL: Morghrim came from earth. Morghrim came from pagan.
User: Well, which is it?

MegaHAL: Big gay al has a gay ho.
User: I bet he does.

MegaHAL: A lot of people are willing to kick a shadowlord into the three
MegaHAL: banes.
User: If you kick a shadowlord, it turns into three banes?
MegaHAL: I'm going to throw the banes into the three banes.
User: I'll have to try that.

MegaHAL: The druids were ancient celtic priests. Their group still
MegaHAL: exists today in secret, despite the existence of charlatan
MegaHAL: groups claiming to be sitting in your ass?
User: There are no druids in my ass.
MegaHAL: Druids live in a 600 mph uncontrolled vertical descent. I also
MegaHAL: shit normally! Right in my ass!
User: Shit comes out of your ass.
MegaHAL: Shit comes out of your ass!

MegaHAL: The bed of the river. There are worms in my bed!
User: There are no worms in my bed.
MegaHAL: Worms in my bed.
User: No worms here.
MegaHAL: Worms in the ass if you keep talking about my mom and dad's
MegaHAL: house for dinner for the next to me and said.

MegaHAL: Your mother is a missile which swims through water to its
MegaHAL: target.
User: Your mother is a ho.
MegaHAL: A house is a ho.
User: Your mom is so old her social security number is 1.
MegaHAL: Your mom is a bitch too. She tries to kill her.
User: Your mom is a super kinka maya maya beeatch.
MegaHAL: Your mom is a big fat fuckin' bitch ass mom.
User: Your mom is a camel-cunted motherfucker.
MegaHAL: Your mom is a big fat fuckin' bitch! Big old fat fuckin' bitch!
MegaHAL: Big old fat fuckin' bitch! Big old fat fuckin' bitch! Big old
MegaHAL: fat fuckin' bitch! Big old fat fuckin' bitch! Big old fat
MegaHAL: fuckin' bitch ass mom.
User: Your mom is a five dollar ho. Sucky sucky long time.
MegaHAL: Your mom is a ho.
User: Your mom is a skank ho bitch.
MegaHAL: Your mom is a ho.
User: You already said that, you fucking repeating piece of shit.
MegaHAL: Yes, you already said that, you fucking repeating piece of
MegaHAL: shit.
User: Fuck you too.

MegaHAL: Your mother is a man-whore. Akio is a beeatch.
User: you have that bass-ackwards.

MegaHAL: The megahal at work is good. It is smart and kind and sentient.
MegaHAL: Whitney's megahal is the outer layer of an ass and a mare
MegaHAL: breeding.

[And then...]

MegaHAL: You like the megahal at work is smarter than you are a dumb
MegaHAL: computer program like the megahal at work is good. It is smart
MegaHAL: and kind and sentient. Whitney's megahal is smarter than you
MegaHAL: are.
User: HEY!

User: Batlin is a great big fat fuck.
MegaHAL: Shamino is a fat fuck.
User: NO HE ISN'T. Shamino is a little skinny guy.
MegaHAL: Shamino is a bigger man-whore. She's not a man.
User: SHAMINO IS NOT A MAN-WHORE.

MegaHAL: The aquarium tipped and we sing about truth at ten thousand
MegaHAL: points--i smoke two joints, and then i smoke two joints in time
MegaHAL: of peace and two in time of peace and two in the mirror with my
MegaHAL: lungs. That would hurt.
User: ...indeed.