(no subject)

Hey, you.

Yeah. You.

2,383 people are interested in your mom.

I don't blame them. She was good.

(no subject)

..."your mom" jokes aside, I feel that today merits a post just for the sheer weirdness.

Our door here at work...blew off the hinges. You're reading that right. Well, it's not so much hinges as bolts, but you get the idea. It was knocked off its proper position.

Some customers came in; before they could ask me for a part, it happened. Scared the hell out of me and embarrassed the customers, who thought it was their fault. So, I decided I was not touching that door lest I fuck it up even more. I went back to check and see if we had the part they wanted, and when I returned, those two kind gentlemen were trying to fix the door for me. They were not successful, unfortunately.

So then, because I knew of nothing else to do, I called Bosses.

Boss #2 picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"It's Sarah. We have...an emergency."

"What happened?"

"The door blew off the hinges."

"... ... ...okay!"

They would come survey the damage. Meanwhile, not knowing what the hell else to do since the door was too heavy for me to drag by myself, I got a few lengths of CAT-5 and tied the door to as many immovable objects as I could reach, so that it did not blow over and bean someone in the head, someone who would later sue the shit out of us.

A little while later, we had Boss #1 and #2 trying without much success to fix the door.

Eventually, they gave up and called the door man, who properly fixed the door.

(no subject)

And then, upon trying to go home, I discovered that the door was now hung just a fraction of an inch higher, enough to prevent it from being locked.

I called Bosses again. One of them came to babysit so I could go home while the other went off to get the Dremel out of storage so that they could modify the little hole in the door frame and allow the thing to lock.

In addition to the door incident, we also had, of course, a Computer from Hell. Nothing all week, and then blargh.

This one wasn't so much a Computer from Hell as a...well, I don't know, but something was from Hell. Lady had a new machine she'd just had some data transferred to, and a DOS program that she desperately needed for business that she couldn't print from on the new machine.

The new machine ran XP. This, I thought, could only end in tears.

Her new printer talked to the computer via USB port, which DOS programs don't seem to like. Her old printer does not play nice with XP. So sayeth Canon's website.

And of course, this lady had had this program especially written for her business. The programmer was retired and had flown the coop. Great. But he left source. Clipper shit, I believe. I know fuckall about Clipper, but Boss #1 is a Clipper God. Lucky!

Boss #1 scowled at the code and determined that he might be able to wave a dead chicken over it and make it a Windows program. Failing that, he suggested waving a dead chicken over the computer and making it dual boot XP/98. Blaaargh ya.

Boss #1 and I both agreed today that XP sucks big floppy donkey dick.

And I determined that Red Hat can kiss my ass, as the install craps out before it even gets started on the display machine. I'll fart with it a little more on Monday, and then I'm going for Mandrake.

What a day.

A useless snippet, mostly ganked from Demolition Man

A new restaurant opens in Linga. A taqueria, to be precise. Bowman decides to try it out and rounds up Noel and Keith to feed as well. Halfway through an excellent meal, they realize that they have no idea what animal the meat they're eating came from.

Eventually, Keith waves someone over. "¿Que es esta carne?"

"Esta carne es el conejito."

"...conejito." Swallow. Ponder.

Bowman and Noel eye him curiously.

"...bunny."

And then they notice, from outside, behind the restaurant, the distinctive sounds of people versed in Come On Bunny plying their trade.

Noel aacks, splutters, and leaves. Bowman shrugs. "Good bunny."