A flashback
Nov. 1st, 2002 08:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chaobellFor some reason, today I found myself thinking fondly of Gramma BFG.
Some of you may have heard the story of Gramma BFG before. For the rest of you, here it is.
Many moons ago, when I worked at the store which shall remain nameless but whose surname rhymes with "shitty," a little old lady came into the computer department and started perusing the game racks. Seventy, maybe eighty. We're talking typical sweet little old grandma. And not looking in the Myst/puzzle/cards section, either. No, she was looking in the shoot-em-ups. This in and of itself was not unusual; I figured she was looking for a birthday present.
She then waved me over. "Do you have MDK 2 yet?"
I punctuated. See, MDK 1 had only hit the shelves a week or so prior. "Uh...no, it's not out yet...as a matter of fact, I don't even know if there's going to be a sequel yet. MDK just came out a week ago or so."
"Oh, I know. I finished it last night."
I punctuated some more. "Wow," I finally replied, idiotically. "Well, uh...I wish I knew, then, but I haven't heard anything about it yet."
"Well, darn. It's such a good game." And here she launched into a vivid description of gameplay and levels and the robots that mock you, the ones you have to use the s00p3r d00p3r sniper helmet to take out, and how cute the whole thing with Kurt and his dog was. Finally, she asked me if we had anything neat and action-packed and shoot-em-up like that to hold her over for a few days. ("days!?" thought I)
"Sure thing! Here, we've got Descent--"
"Oh, I've finished that one!" I think there were two Descent games, and I think she may have told me she finished them both.
"Hmm. Well, there's Doom, but I don't know if you'd like it, it's pretty gory--"
"1 and 2! The first time I played those through I used that God code and that ammo code, and then the next time I did it the right way. Have you played those? You know, I keep wondering how they picked 'KFA' for the ammo code..."
"I, uh...well, yes! And I've never heard this anywhere for sure, but..." I paused. "I, uh...I'm fairly sure 'K' is for 'killer' and 'A' is for 'ammo,' and the F...is, uh, the same thing it stands for in 'BFG9000.'" Doom-player or no, I wasn't about to say the F-word to her.
"Oh! Well, that explains it!" She had a good laugh at this. "And isn't 'BFG9000' just the cutest name for a gun? When I figured out what 'BFG' stood for, I just laughed myself blue. It's kind of boring after a while, though, isn't it? I mean, it makes things way too easy. I like the rocket launcher. Especially when I tried that patch that turned some of the demons into the Energizer Bunny, have you ever seen that?"
I nodded, wide eyed. By now, several teenage boys were lurking several yards away, probably unable to believe that any of this was really happening judging by the wide-eyed reverent stares fixed upon this little white-haired old lady who was lecturing me on the best possible way to frag demons in Doom and the incredulous whispers they exchanged.
"I just love how that drum goes bouncing away when you hit 'em with the rocket launcher! Oh, uh...anyway, what else do you have?"
"...Heretic?"
Finished it.
"Hexen!?"
Finished it.
I don't remember if Quake was out yet, but if it was, and if I suggested it, she probably replied with "been there done that" too.
Finally, grasping at straws, I blurted out, "Duke Nukem!"
I noticed one of the teenage boys wincing. "Aw, no, man...she's not gonna like that..."
Pause. "No, I don't believe I've played that one! Let me see it!"
I handed her the box. She giggled hysterically at it. "Oh, yes, I think I'll take this."
Stunned silence from the teenage boys.
I rang her up. The teenage boys just kept staring, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, until she was gone.
She came back in a week later to tell me how much she enjoyed it, and how amusing she found it that it probably didn't occur to the young men this game was aimed at that the designers might have been making fun of them by making Duke the sort of character he was.
So, next time you're playing Unreal or Quake or whatever the frag-em game du jour is online and you find yourself reduced to a pile of steaming gibs in very short order, you may well have just been 0wnZ3d by an eighty-year-old woman.
Some of you may have heard the story of Gramma BFG before. For the rest of you, here it is.
Many moons ago, when I worked at the store which shall remain nameless but whose surname rhymes with "shitty," a little old lady came into the computer department and started perusing the game racks. Seventy, maybe eighty. We're talking typical sweet little old grandma. And not looking in the Myst/puzzle/cards section, either. No, she was looking in the shoot-em-ups. This in and of itself was not unusual; I figured she was looking for a birthday present.
She then waved me over. "Do you have MDK 2 yet?"
I punctuated. See, MDK 1 had only hit the shelves a week or so prior. "Uh...no, it's not out yet...as a matter of fact, I don't even know if there's going to be a sequel yet. MDK just came out a week ago or so."
"Oh, I know. I finished it last night."
I punctuated some more. "Wow," I finally replied, idiotically. "Well, uh...I wish I knew, then, but I haven't heard anything about it yet."
"Well, darn. It's such a good game." And here she launched into a vivid description of gameplay and levels and the robots that mock you, the ones you have to use the s00p3r d00p3r sniper helmet to take out, and how cute the whole thing with Kurt and his dog was. Finally, she asked me if we had anything neat and action-packed and shoot-em-up like that to hold her over for a few days. ("days!?" thought I)
"Sure thing! Here, we've got Descent--"
"Oh, I've finished that one!" I think there were two Descent games, and I think she may have told me she finished them both.
"Hmm. Well, there's Doom, but I don't know if you'd like it, it's pretty gory--"
"1 and 2! The first time I played those through I used that God code and that ammo code, and then the next time I did it the right way. Have you played those? You know, I keep wondering how they picked 'KFA' for the ammo code..."
"I, uh...well, yes! And I've never heard this anywhere for sure, but..." I paused. "I, uh...I'm fairly sure 'K' is for 'killer' and 'A' is for 'ammo,' and the F...is, uh, the same thing it stands for in 'BFG9000.'" Doom-player or no, I wasn't about to say the F-word to her.
"Oh! Well, that explains it!" She had a good laugh at this. "And isn't 'BFG9000' just the cutest name for a gun? When I figured out what 'BFG' stood for, I just laughed myself blue. It's kind of boring after a while, though, isn't it? I mean, it makes things way too easy. I like the rocket launcher. Especially when I tried that patch that turned some of the demons into the Energizer Bunny, have you ever seen that?"
I nodded, wide eyed. By now, several teenage boys were lurking several yards away, probably unable to believe that any of this was really happening judging by the wide-eyed reverent stares fixed upon this little white-haired old lady who was lecturing me on the best possible way to frag demons in Doom and the incredulous whispers they exchanged.
"I just love how that drum goes bouncing away when you hit 'em with the rocket launcher! Oh, uh...anyway, what else do you have?"
"...Heretic?"
Finished it.
"Hexen!?"
Finished it.
I don't remember if Quake was out yet, but if it was, and if I suggested it, she probably replied with "been there done that" too.
Finally, grasping at straws, I blurted out, "Duke Nukem!"
I noticed one of the teenage boys wincing. "Aw, no, man...she's not gonna like that..."
Pause. "No, I don't believe I've played that one! Let me see it!"
I handed her the box. She giggled hysterically at it. "Oh, yes, I think I'll take this."
Stunned silence from the teenage boys.
I rang her up. The teenage boys just kept staring, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, until she was gone.
She came back in a week later to tell me how much she enjoyed it, and how amusing she found it that it probably didn't occur to the young men this game was aimed at that the designers might have been making fun of them by making Duke the sort of character he was.
So, next time you're playing Unreal or Quake or whatever the frag-em game du jour is online and you find yourself reduced to a pile of steaming gibs in very short order, you may well have just been 0wnZ3d by an eighty-year-old woman.
