chaobell | First smut of the New Year (Reply)

Sooooo I wrote a little somethin’ for Shousetsu Bang*Bang.

Okay, it’s 20K words of little somethin’. My first two-parter ever! And it’s…

It’s, uh… oh God.

Obligatory warnings: contains guys doin’ it. Not safe for young people or my mom. Any resemblance to real people is purely coincidentaaaaaafuckit

Also, it contains v. pretty pictures by haitoku@lj.

Part 1 • Part 2

If you like, please read the rest of the issue and show the authors some love.

And here, have some author’s notes:

Adam is tall, has blue hair, orange eyes, and all his fingers, and took piano lessons instead of ballet lessons, but …yeah basically this was an exercise in cramming as many Rahm Emanuel facts as possible into 20K words. I REGRET NOTHING. I wanted to use the “THERE IS NO PLAN, HOWARD!” call and at least one mention of him calling New Columbia “Planet Fucknut,” but it was not to be.
The Solthasti are sort of a cross between Vulcans, Minbari, and elves (in some of my very very early writing, they even had the fucking pointy ears); their technology is indistinguishable from magic because a shitload of it IS magic. Of course they don’t call it that, that’s just the closest concept humans have to what they do, but that’s what it is. Every bit of the Solthasti mythos was either ripped off wholesale or adapted for this universe from shit I’ve had in my head since like high school and was going to put in Penumbra. Danos himself is a recycled Penumbra PC.
The Mordrai are the Klingons of this universe. The Vareen were cheerfully ripped off from Star Control’s Syreen.
The Blattellans are all mine. I just wanted to have my future gen-mod version of Rahmbo yell at someone on the phone, hang up, go “fucking cockroach” …And have the guy he was yelling at be an actual cockroach. God, I love the Blattellans so very much. They’re the laughing stock of the galaxy and they know it, and they’re really good sports about it, and they actually egg it on (i.e. Congressman Samsa’s roachy antics)
Speaking of the roach people, the picture of Steve Webster with little Franz Samsa? Take a wild guess which John McCain image that corresponds with. (hint)
Regulans live for hundreds of years and reach intellectual and emotional maturity decades before they finish growing up physically. So at 49 Regulan years old (about 70 Earth years), President-Elect Zeketo looks like about a blue 17-year-old human. They are empaths, and tend to be very friendly because they don’t like bad vibes from pissy people. Mr. Zeketo puts up with Adam because he knows Adam is an asshole but has a good heart. Also he totally knows Adam and Danos are mentally ripping each others’ clothes off months before even they do. He may even be responsible for some of the fic.
Also, just for the record: Regulans are pretty …casual about sex. Aside from “don’t do the babymaking kind without protection at certain times unless you want babies” and “don’t do it with kids, animals, or blood relatives,” they have no silly hangups about it at all, and it’s pretty common for good friends to do it just for fun and/or stress relief.tl;dr: yeah, Adam and Mr. Zeketo have totally done it in the past, I guess I’m going to have to write that someday
Yes, Ron Paul has been in the ground three hundred years at the time this story takes place, and the Paultards STILL won’t give up.
I wish I’d had room to do more with Governor Chang, because he is cool. Half Chinese, half Aquilan, born and raised and lived most of his life in Australia. If he thinks someone nearby is lying, he will glance away in that “oh hey, this is a very interesting light bulb” way… and make his nose grow.
Likewise, Congressman Samsa. Danos is one of the few people Adam has ever liked enough to warn about Greg’s skittering-under-the-table act. This did not keep Danos Ansoleia, Captain of the Solthasti Queen’s Guard, Fifth Regiment, veteran of the Third Kyrthasti War from flailing backwards and shrieking like a girl when Greg finally did it to him. And while Danos leaned against the nearest wall, wheezing and clutching at his chest, Adam made a big show of busting in, brandishing a shoe, and looking under and behind every piece of furniture Greg was not under or behind. And then Greg came out from under the table and he and Adam shared a laugh at poor Danos’s expense.
Adam 21-Gamma did plan the whole rally debacle with full knowledge that Webster supporters would be dicks and make themselves look bad on camera. Before he met Adam 19-Epsilon, he had no idea that there was anything wrong with the way he was being treated. By the time the rally thing happened and the Webster campaign started stuffing him in a cheap suit and pretending like they treated him halfway decently in front of cameras, he had indeed started to grow a pair. He said “man, screw these guys” and started deliberately fudging some numbers. He did end up getting fired and would never work on another political campaign again, but that was fine with him. Instead, after a bit of controversy involving some unauthorized aftermarket modifications to his brain and the repairing of same, he went to work for CNN as a political analyst. He now has his own fangirls, who claim he taught numbers how to fuck. He’s not sure how to deal with that.
Gen-mods are “fully functional” (obviously), but sterile. Because it would not do for them to go spreading their awesome genes around and breeding untraceable unauthorized superbrains, naturally. Also, by law, they can’t be made to look exactly human (so they can’t pose as humans); different companies go about this in different ways. There’s a little wiggle room there for entertainer-class models, but they have to be made such that someone could look at them and go “ah, gen-mod.” GeneSys (who makes our Adam units) sticks to the philosophy that they’re making people, and so they make their gen-mods attractive and fuck-off tall with neat hair and eyes. Progenitech (who specializes in combat models) sees their gen-mods as products and makes them hairless with grayish skin, blank eyes, four-fingered hands, and four-toed feet. And, before Alpha-21 v. Progenitech, genderless.
I came this close to naming the Mighty Morphin’ Moron “Angie B. Dodd,” but figured that might be pushing it a little.
[ETA] I almost forgot–I’ve been playing with some Sims of these people, there are pictures.