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chaobellMom took me out for my annual Christmas clothing shopping excursion. See, she doesn't like to buy me clothes when I'm not there to a) try them on and make sure they fit and b) determine whether or not I would turn my nose up at them, so every Christmas she takes me out and buys me clothes early. We raided an Old Navy store and came away with four pairs of pants, five shirts, and a pair of gloves.
We then lit on K-Mart so that Mom could hem and haw over the fake trees. She bought a very large real tree stand, for some reason. This will come into play in a moment.
After that, we headed for Sears, where I bought two boxes of crackers (as in, the British thingies you pull apart and get cute little toys and paper crowns out of) and present for Stepdad. From there, Mom insisted on buying me shoes. Since the pair of Skechers I have is still serviceable, and I have sworn to wear them until they disintegrate because they are the best shoes I have ever owned, we looked at dressyshoes instead. I ended up with a pair of granny boots. We pointed and laughed at the platforms, weird heels, and weird cloggy things.
Back to Sears on the way back out to the car. Mom finally decides on a small fake tree. We purchase the fake tree and return to Mom's vehicle, where she looks at the fake tree in the box, looks at the real tree stand already in the vehicle, and sighs. "Well, shit," she says. "Now I guess I don't need that big fuckin' tree stand." We have a good laugh over this.
Back to Mom's house with our ph4t l3wt. I open up a box of crackers and offer Mom an end. We would not make good Brits, I'm afraid. We played tug-of-war with the cracker for a while until finally it popped and spat out a little jigsaw puzzle, a paper crown, and a little joke sheet. Joy. I WANT A CASE OF WIZARDING CRACKERS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW PLEASE thank you.
And now, I come home to spam that insists I can "Biggee [my] penis 3 inches in 22 days." Hooray!
We then lit on K-Mart so that Mom could hem and haw over the fake trees. She bought a very large real tree stand, for some reason. This will come into play in a moment.
After that, we headed for Sears, where I bought two boxes of crackers (as in, the British thingies you pull apart and get cute little toys and paper crowns out of) and present for Stepdad. From there, Mom insisted on buying me shoes. Since the pair of Skechers I have is still serviceable, and I have sworn to wear them until they disintegrate because they are the best shoes I have ever owned, we looked at dressyshoes instead. I ended up with a pair of granny boots. We pointed and laughed at the platforms, weird heels, and weird cloggy things.
Back to Sears on the way back out to the car. Mom finally decides on a small fake tree. We purchase the fake tree and return to Mom's vehicle, where she looks at the fake tree in the box, looks at the real tree stand already in the vehicle, and sighs. "Well, shit," she says. "Now I guess I don't need that big fuckin' tree stand." We have a good laugh over this.
Back to Mom's house with our ph4t l3wt. I open up a box of crackers and offer Mom an end. We would not make good Brits, I'm afraid. We played tug-of-war with the cracker for a while until finally it popped and spat out a little jigsaw puzzle, a paper crown, and a little joke sheet. Joy. I WANT A CASE OF WIZARDING CRACKERS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW PLEASE thank you.
And now, I come home to spam that insists I can "Biggee [my] penis 3 inches in 22 days." Hooray!
