Dear, dear Governor Goodhair:

[chaobell]

Please shut the fuck up.

No, really.

Shut. The. Fuck. UP.

This? This kind of irresponsible batshit crazytalk coming out of the mouth of our governor (also out of the mouths of people like john Cornyn and whats-er-name, Ms. “BAWWW AZN NAMES R HARD” )? This is why the rest of the country thinks we’re all uneducated trailer-dwelling NASCAR-watching assault-weapon-owning cousin-porking Bible-thumping racist sexist homophobic redneck trash, and I for one am sick and fucking tired of it.

And as much as I would love to move to a state where I won’t have to go “ugh God I swear we are not all like this” a couple times a week because some idiot in a position of power has said or done something stupid, I kind of can’t afford to.

So if you want to nod and smile at the batshit crazy secessionists, fine. You and they can go find yourselves an island somewhere, move to it, cut yourself off from civilization (and civilized funds, of course), and stop making the rest of us look as stupid as you are.

In conclusion, Mr. Hair, please watch this. And then please go round up Cornyn and whats-er-face and the rest of your idiot friends and get the fuck out of my state.

No love,
Me

—

Dear, dear rest of the country:

The “durr hurr stoopid Texas ppl” jokes stopped being funny a long time ago. I see why you make them, but that doesn’t make them any more funny or any less ignorant.

Thanks much,
Me

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.